Lisa Logue Books

Thursday, September 13, 2012

What is beautiful???

Are the thin models from TV and magazines beautiful? Are the big women who are proud of their curves beautiful? What makes someone beautiful, really? I've struggled for a long time with this question, mainly pertaining to myself. Should I feel beautiful if I know I'm overweight?

Here's my story:

I got pregnant at 17 with baby #1, married my now ex-husband a few months after our son was born and was a stay-at-home mom for about year. No matter what I did, I couldn't lose the baby weight (which was tremendous) and I tried like hell. Finally, I just gave up and had to deal with my weight being stagnant at about 170lbs. But I was wrong. Baby #2 comes along two years later and I was in the same boat again. Except my ex and I separate and now, at age 20, I have a two year old and an infant and having to provide for them myself. I picked up smoking, partly to deal with food craving and the other part to deal with stress, and that was the only way I didn't gain more wait...for a while.

I went on a diet towards the end of 2011 and lost 30lbs in roughly four weeks. It wasn't as much as I wanted to lose, but it definitely helped. However, eating healthy costs money and so does smoking. At the time, it was more important to control the cravings, so I fell off the diet wagon and continued smoking (not the best choice, I know).

Which brings us to August 2012, when I decided to quit. I knew I'd be struggling with my weight even more after because I would often replace food cravings with cigarettes. So, of course, I started munching away on crap almost as soon as I quit. The cigarettes were an easy habit to kick, the food...not so much. So, here I am, a month and a half later. I have probably gained about five pounds, but I feel like it's 105. My clothes fit a little tighter and I feel like wearing sweats and t-shirts all the time, which is impossible since I work in an office. I refuse to buy new clothes because the ones I have are fairly new. So what do I do? The only thing I can do...DIET.

The worst four letter word in the dictionary has just been uttered and millions of Americans are now cowering in the corner. Relax, I'm not going to preach about what food to eat or how to cook it. I'm simply going to talk about what my plans are and feel free to chime in if you have suggestions or comments.

First, I use this really great *free* app called MyFitnessPal. It helps you keep track of your food, weight, exercise and calories. It also breaks down each meal with the necessary nutritional information so you can see what type of food you're taking in (i.e. carbs, protein, etc.).

In addition to that, I use KraftRecipes to find ideas for food I can make that are healthier. They even have yummy desserts that I've been wanting to try, but getting away from the computer is hard lol. But it's also free to join this site and they also have an app you can download to look up recipes and save them to your account for use later. While we're on the recipe subject, Pinterest is a great website for this. I often find wonderful things on there and I encourage folks to follow me if they're looking for delicious food. I post it a lot! :)

Exercising is my downfall and has been since I started driving. My grandmother always used to warn me against "car legs", but I paid no mind. Guess I should have, huh? So my plan for this is simple: use the methods from our old JROTC class in high school. I was in the best shape of my life for the first three years I was in school because of JROTC and the discipline and drive it taught me. Every day I'd come home and run/walk/jog two miles before doing homework and eating dinner or going to work. I wanted to be fit and able, not fat and frumpy.

I spend so much time behind a computer, it's no wonder I've gained so much weight. I don't know how long I'll be actually dieting, but I want to do my best to share this journey with you all. I'm going to keep a ticker on this blog for the weight-loss and hopefully, I don't fall off the wagon again. With the holidays coming up, I don't want to completely blow up! If you don't see any progress, yell at me, call me names, poke me, do whatever you can to put me back on track. I won't share right now how much I'm wanting to lose, so we'll both be surprised when I get there!

In short (sort of), I don't feel beautiful most days. My wonderful boyfriend never hesitates to tell me I'm wrong, and I love him for that and so much more, but it's hard to change a perception that's been practically burned into my brain for the last six years. I need a change, so here it is. I want to be that girl I was ten years ago and I'm taking the steps to make that happen. So, here's what I had for dinner tonight as part of my diet:

Cheesy Chicken & Salsa Skillet: photo courtesy of  

So what's beautiful to you? If you already feel beautiful, how did you do it?


  1. Hi, Lisa. First of all, I tend to find something beautiful in every woman, both inside and out. I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is pulling you out of the dark place we all tend to cling to - for whatever reason - that keeps us thinking we have nothing special when we really do.
    Secondly, I want to encourage you to be as healthy as you can, whatever that means for you. I'm 43 years old, 5-10 and weigh 180. As you rightly point out, those of us who stare at computers all day don't get much exercise. After I do my 11 hour day job and before I turn on this trusty laptop, I spend an hour on my treadmill. I don't like it much, especially during the 100 degree weather (treadmill sits in the garage), but it's what I have to do to eat and drink what I want.
    Hang in there!


  2. Thank you, Jimmy! You always have such kind, uplifting comments and I really appreciate that. Moments come and go where I sometimes care and sometimes do not, but I am always conscious of it. Little by little, I'm trying to change the things I can without losing the parts of me I love and enjoy. My boyfriend definitely has stuck by me through all my crazy thoughts over the last five years so I think he deserves a better me!

    ~Lisa :)


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